I Timothy 3:4
One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (for if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
This passage is giving one of the qualifications of a pastor, but it must be remembered that it is good for all men to rule well his own house.
The husband is the head of his family.
This position is to be respected by the wife as well as the children.
When the wife doesn’t respect the position of the husband, the children will seldom respect it.
It must be understood that this passage is speaking specifically of the people in the pastor’s family that are under his control.
The way to teach is to command.
Dads should never be afraid to issue Godly commands.
If these commands are Godly and are given when the children are small, the children will grow up to respect their dad and what he has to say.
It is not wrong for parents to tell small children what they ought to think.
The parent that doesn’t tell their small children what to think, probably doesn’t know what to think themselves.
As the children grow up, the parents will find themselves telling the children less and less what to think.
The rebellion of the teenage years can be traced back to the children having too much freedom when they are young.
The more rebellion there is during the teenage years, the less Godly training the children have had.
He is responsible for his children as long as they live under his roof.
When they marry or move out of his house, he is no longer responsible for them or their actions.
If, however, they move out because of rebellion, something is definitely wrong.
There are those who expect the preachers kids to live by a different standard than their own kids.
The pastor is not to expect his children to obey him because he is a pastor, or because others (some perhaps in the church) expect them to.
They should obey their dad because he is dad, not because he is pastor.
I remember a missionary named Clifford New that had some problems with his grown son who was living in his household.
He talked about this trouble at a conference at Clarksville.
He counseled his son, desiring him to do the right thing, not because he was a minister, but for God’s sake.
I think the boy returned to the right way because the dad took the right attitude about it all.
If he had acted stupid, or lost his authority, I doubt the boy would have returned.
Let’s keep this straight.
A man must have already had his house under his subjection before he is qualified to be a minister of the gospel.
Never let a man think that God has called him to the ministry, therefore, he must straighten up and get his house in order.
It is wrong for a minister of the gospel to put pressure on his children that they act in a certain way because he is a minister.
He must impress upon his family to act a certain way because that is what God expects, not what he expects or what various church members expect.
This passage is talking about authority.
Gen. 18:19 - God said about Abraham that …will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD many bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.
Notice the word “command” which means to order, or to give commandment, or to appoint, or to act as commander.
Joshua 24:15 - And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
Joshua was a true Godly leader.
He is determined that he and his family will serve the Lord, regardless of what all the rest of Israel does.
The husband is to take the authority of the home, and demand respect from his wife and family.
The pastor is to take the authority of the church, and demand respect from the church members.
Ruling his own house - this includes both his wife, children, servants, and all the affairs of his business whereby he earns his living and his standing in the community.
This rule is a rule of authority with all the love of God.
It is ridiculous to think that anybody can demand authority and receive it without giving Godly love.
The person who demands to rule because he has been given the authority to rule will never receive it.
The person who expects people to let him rule over them because he is the pastor will never receive the right to rule over them.
He rules over them with the Word of God, not with the strength of his personality.
Churches that have a pastor rule over them with the strength of his personality will likely disband or split into several divisions went that pastor leaves.
A pastor must rule in such a way that the church members are strengthened by his authority, so that they can grow up into such adult Christians that they can stand without the pastor.
A dad must rule in such a way that his entire family are strengthened by his authority, so that as they grow up in adults, they will be able to make right decisions without him.
Always remember when raising children that the time to teach them is when they are small.
Always remember when raising children that a part of raising them is turning them loose to live their own lives.
It is very obvious that the pastor who doesn’t keep his household in subjection has disqualified himself from the gospel ministry.
The minister is supposed to be a good example to all the flock and he can hardly be a good example when he can’t even control his own family.